Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Colossians 3:20,21
In the family of four that I grew up in, there was about seven years between me and my older brother. He was further down the path of life, so my job was to watch and learn how to live. See what worked and what didn’t. How to be successful at life as a kid.
When it came to learning how to grow up, Don was the teacher, and I was the young student. He was the sensei, “the one who has gone before” in our Polish-Italian dojo. He was the Jedi Master and I was the Padawan in our Star Wars episode that took place on the planet Carney, located on the outskirts of the Baltimore galaxy.
It’s funny what you remember most. There were certain things that made the deepest, lasting impressions on my young, fertile mind. And as I was eager to learn, the things that I most quickly learned was what not to do. Don did some things that just made our parents explode. Now, I’m talking about the little things like not cleaning his room or taking his plate to the sink. Or even the teen talkback and disrespect. No, I’m talking about the big, giant, dangerous things that Don seemed to do over and over. And my parents erupted over and over.
The thing I still don’t understand to this day was that Don liked the flavor of flat soda. You know, soda where all the fuzz was gone. So, he’d get a bottle of soda, pop the cap off, put his thumb on the top and shake it hard. Then slowly, he’d release the built-up pressure and drink it. All this is fine. But there were times when he couldn’t hold back the pressure and soda would rush out like Old Faithful. When we were outside at a picnic, it wasn’t too bad. All the cousins would laugh and the adults just shook their heads.
But there were times when it wasn’t outside. And the only place that’s not outside is inside. Coke all over the white ceiling was just awful, not to mention the rug and furniture. But grape soda was by far the worst.
Paul’s telling children not just to obey their parents, but to do it because it’s pleasing to the Lord. There’s something more to this life thing than just getting by or getting stuff. When we look above and beyond today, there is our loving Heavenly Father that’s put us with just the right parents.
It took me a long time to learn this. Mom was easier to live with, but dad could be unpredictable. He could be charming and friendly at parties or in a crowd. But there was a dark side. A side made bitter and angry because of what life delt him.I came to love and respect the man who week in, week out, worked a job that he hated. He put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I really think he did the best he knew how, coming from a family with an alcoholic father that beat the kids with a whip.
But this father-child thing is a two-way street. Children are to obey in the Lord and Fathers are not to embitter. You see the end of that word, don’t you. Bitter. Father’s are to act and speak in such a way that don’t embitter but make life sweet.
Fathers aren’t to poke at or irritate their children to the point of frustrating them too much. As a father, a big part of my job is to help my kids live and be happy in their outlook on life. The only alternative is to make them bitter.
We’ve all met someone who’s bitter. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to pick out the bitter people. They’re all over the place. In our families. In our neighborhoods. In our work. At the grocery store. In government. The bitter road leads to discouragement. To look at all of life through the shattered glass of a broken spirit. They’ve lost the ability to see any goodness. Any happiness. Everything is bleak and gloomy. Nothing’s going to work out. Everything’s going to fail. Fall apart. There’s no hope.
Is it any wonder that God wants father’s not to embitter their kids? Because once embittered, it’s a long and hard road back. To bring them back to seeing life not as a curse but as a blessing. Seeing life as the place to start an eternal, personal relationship with their Heavenly Father. But if their father treated them poorly and never kindly. Yelled at them to put them down. There was no correction, only punishment. They hit to hurt from the hurt inside their heart. Pain was to be inflicted, not used as a tool to show that bad decisions have consequences. Then that child will continue in the family tradition of sadness and frustration.
We have a Heavenly Father that’s not all about beating us to a pulp. He did just the opposite, he was beaten to a pulp for you and me. He took the just punishment that we deserved. He took our pain. He was crushed for you and me[1].
The end result is that his punishment brought us peace. Although he received the wounds we deserved, we were healed. He was broken and we were made whole. From death to live. We were made alive again in and through Jesus.
So, even though we were enemies with God[2], he still sent Jesus to die for us. He changed us from being his natural enemy into his sons and daughters. From strangers to brothers and sisters. It’s the greatest change ever.
Noodling Questions
Why would we want to please the one who loves us?
How do you react when someone “pokes” you?
Because we’re friends with God, how does He treat us? Why?
[1] Isaiah 53:4,5
[2] Romans 5:10
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